I like honey. It’s natural. It’s sweet. And best of all it has zero calories. I mean, how could it not? Why else would they have replaced all the sugar cereals with honey equivalents?
What? You mean it’s not a low calorie sugar substitute? Sheesh! You’d think it was some sort of miracle diet food the way Super Sugar Crisps were suddenly ditched in favor of Golden Crisps. They even renamed Sugar Bear to Super Bear. What’s up with that?
Well, today I have a honey of a story for you. I wish I could claim this as my own, but it’s something I heard on the radio. Still, it’s too good to not share.
Apparently a woman walked into a store one day and asked the shopkeeper about some low calorie honey sold there. The shopkeeper, puzzled, said they didn’t carry any. The customer insisted. “My roommate bought some and I know she got it here!” This did not change the shopkeeper’s mind about her inventory. “In fact, not only do we not have any, I don’t believe that even exists. Honey is honey, plain and simple.” Undeterred, the customer disagreed. “I saw the jar. I had some and it tasted just like real honey. I’ve got to have some. It’s around here somewhere!” So they marched around the store and low and behold the customer found it.
Click here for the real-life punchline.
September 29th, 2008
I wholeheartedly believe one tactic to help a floundering diet is “mixing it up” a bit. If you’re stuck in a rut and can’t seem to get the needle moving down again, it’s probably time to try something different — even if for a short while. For those of you just tuning in, let me […]
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September 26th, 2008
Dieters face few challenges greater than a trip to a restaurant. Eating out is (or should be) an occasion and therefore, by definition, isn’t the place to hold back. Unfortunately, eating out is sometimes a necessary evil and you’d be hard-pressed to find greater temptation anywhere. (Yeah … nothing like paddling against the current for […]
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September 25th, 2008
I’ve always found it odd that the one thing we obsess over more than anything — our weight — is the one thing we seem to know the least about. Oh sure, we understand the basics. Eat too little, and we lose weight. Eat too much, and we lose our skinny clothes. That’s the basic […]
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September 24th, 2008
I seem to recall some decades ago my dad complaining about the modern music scene. I mean, all parents do that, right? It’s laser-etched into their DNA. They wouldn’t be card-carrying parents if they actually liked the same music as their children. “It all sounds the same! There’s no variety! There’s no real musical value […]
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September 23rd, 2008
Unlike most diet blogs, I can’t guarantee that every single food item I bring up is going to be taken from the “it’s good for you” files. After all, this category is called, “You Know What Sounds Good Right Now?” and not “You Know What Kind of Vegetable I Should Be Eating Right Now?” So […]
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September 22nd, 2008
We tend to overlook the little things, which is unfortunate, because oftentimes it’s the little things that matter most. Whether it’s a crisp fall morning, a beautiful flower, or simply matching six tiny numbers on a lottery ticket: the small things make a difference. Take, for example, the calorie. It’s little. In fact it’s so […]
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September 19th, 2008
How many articles have you read about hidden calories? The idea is that we go out to a restaurant, order something “healthy” off the menu, but unbeknownst to us, the plate is absolutely peppered with calories too small to be seen with the naked eye. Take this article from — you guessed it — the […]
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September 18th, 2008
The Michael Phelps Diet skit was pretty good. (If you didn’t see it, click the “Previous” link below.) I laughed when I saw it and just had to share. But it only took a few minutes of mild pondering to realize it’s not as “out there” as it seems. Like a lot of humor, it’s […]
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September 17th, 2008
Brilliant:
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September 16th, 2008
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. Yes, I’m talking about the Sandwich Pal post. Those who already know me, already know Sandwich Pal. So you three can go ahead and find a more interesting site to visit. I recommend this one. For those of you still reading, you now need to imagine me […]
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September 15th, 2008
I marked my monumental return to exercising three months ago with my now famous (ha ha) Tales from the Treadmill post. Oddly enough, though I kept at it, I didn’t really post any more about exercising after that. So it’s time for an update! Looking back, I can now divide the exercising into three distinct […]
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September 12th, 2008
If you’re thinking about taking the kiddies out for a quick bite, be warned. Most kids’ meals at fast food restaurants have too many calories. I know! It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? I could have sworn the nuggets, burgers, fries, sodas, and shakes were the perfect meal. Taken from the Obvious Files of the […]
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September 11th, 2008
Today’s topic is food substitutions. You know, this is where health magazines and fitness gurus everywhere tell you “exchange this food for that in order to save X calories.” It typically goes something like this: Skip the triple mocha with heavy whipping cream. Drink a glass of water. Instead of eating that softball-sized muffin, have […]
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September 10th, 2008
All the diets, all the sacrifice, all the years spent denying myself slice after slice of hot, cheesy, pepperoni pizza. All of it for nothing. I’ve lost weight, I’ve gained weight. I’ve lost it again and I’ve gained it again. “No thanks!” he says, as the cake is handed out. “Can’t!” he boasts, as another […]
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September 9th, 2008
Now here’s something I bet you’ve never heard. “Hey, you know what sounds good right now?” “What?” “Mayonnaise!” My Tuesday food category isn’t limited to just ready-to-eat stuff. I definitely plan to talk about ingredients and other food sub-assemblies. When I was a kid, I didn’t like mayonnaise at all. (Now there’s a big revelation: […]
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September 8th, 2008
“Except maybe Cheez-Its…” Thus spake Charlie on July 28. At the time, Charlie was just joking. Charlie hadn’t actually eaten Cheez-Its for months. Charlie loves them, but due to their high toxicity, he reserves them for rare treats. So you can see, Charlie was just having some fun when he wrote that nothing could stop […]
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September 5th, 2008
You’ve got a hankerin’ for some chicken. It’s late and the only option is fast chicken. So you hop into the car and drive. “Hey, there’s a McDonalds. I think they have chicken…” Seriously? No, keep going. “Oh! A Chick-Fil-A! They’re entire business is built on cows begging us to kill the other barnyard creatures.” […]
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September 4th, 2008
I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck love snacking. In fact, if I didn’t have to work all day and could somehow perpetually stay in liposuction surgery, I don’t think I’d ever stop eating snacks ever. It’s horrible. It’s wrong. But oh! have you ever had chips and dip before? I bet […]
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September 3rd, 2008
I know I posted this guy once before, but I just can’t help it. I gotta see him again. I mean, who can resist this cute little pug licking the screen? (Translation: It’s 10pm, I’ve had a long day, I’m tired, and I have a nasty case of writer’s block. It was either this or […]
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September 2nd, 2008
I sure like nuts and today I’d like to talk about one of my favorites: Jim Carrey. No, wait. Not that kind of nut. I’m talking about the kind you can eat. (Hmmm… although, technically, I suppose Jim Carrey is edible.) Today’s nut is the pistachio and in my book it’s second only to the […]
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September 1st, 2008
I only say that because it has been worse. But it also could be a lot better, that’s for sure. But before I get into all that, let’s catch up on the last thirty-six days. I’m woefully behind in that area and I know that the planet is simply dying to know how 1.54×10-10 of […]
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. . .
on September 30, 2008 at 4:07 am
Oh, God! Was she blond?
on September 30, 2008 at 7:01 am
Actually, I’m pretty sure my mom has some low cal honey, but it’s definitely not natural. It’s like Splenda in golden liquid form or something.
on September 30, 2008 at 9:10 am
Ha! Thanks for the laugh!
on September 30, 2008 at 1:45 pm
LMAO
on September 30, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Well, sugar is the devil and bees are not. 🙂
on September 30, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I have some “sugar free” honey. Found it last week at Super Wal-Mart.
on October 1, 2008 at 6:30 am
Sugar free honey sounds like fat free fat. I don’t even want to think what’s it’s made of…
on October 1, 2008 at 10:54 am
Made me laugh out loud!
on October 1, 2008 at 11:43 am
That is funny!