For some reason (which is currently unclear to me) I graduated with a minor in psychology. The only thing I can currently think of is that I figured it would help me write a couple blog posts some twenty years in the future.
In one class I studied something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. If you haven’t heard of it, let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Maslow divided human needs into a pyramid, with basic needs at the bottom and “higher order” needs at the top. People are never concerned with fulfilling higher order needs unless all the needs below were fulfilled. A real life example of this happened while I was still in college. Three other guys and I were driving somewhere, presumably to a party of sorts. One guy was waxing poetic about the potential babes that might be in attendance. Another guy echoed these sentiments. A third guy said, “Forget that. Stop the car. I gotta pee NOW.” See? Lower order needs do trump higher order needs.
The pyramid made sense, but the more I studied it, the more I realized something major was missing. Here then, I present, Charlie’s Modified Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
Now that the importance of cheese has been established beyond all argument, let’s move on to the second part of our World Cheese Tour:
This is Limburger cheese. Most of us (at least Americans) only know Limburger cheese as the horribly smelly cheese from Tom and Jerry cartoons or old Little Rascal’s episodes. I have never actually seen it in real life and to my knowledge don’t know anyone who has. I suppose someday I might try some, just to satisfy a lifelong curiosity. But you go first.
Next is Cheez Whiz. For the health conscious, you will be happy to know that this stuff is made from 100% real Cheez. No substitutes. If you’ve never tried it, then I can only conclude you you’re a high class person and I’d like to make your acquaintance. Being the low-class slob I am, I love this stuff. Especially straight from the can.
Ahhh… chips and queso. This is the first Group Cheese on our tour and another one of my favorites. No dinner outing is complete without three bowls of it plus eighteen complimentary baskets of tortilla chips. If a friend shows up and asks if he or she can also partake, Judith Martin will tell you the correct reply is, “Mi queso es su queso.”
I’ve had Cheetos all my life but to be honest I never really thought much of them. Then, perhaps two months ago, I saw a bag in the vending machine and something (not this woman) compelled me to buy them. Wow! They’re good. Then I tried the jalapeno flavored ones. Double wow! Highly recommended, folks.
The final cheese on this tour is the Almighty Cheez-It. There are no words, people. It seems simple enough: flour, oil, cheese, paprika, salt … but oh my…! There’s got to be something going in these things that they’re not printing on the box. I recently had another one of those monster three-pound boxes show up in the house and I’m positive their presence had something to do with the recent flatlining. The good news is they’re gone. The bad news is, they can show up again at any time. I am doomed.
So there’s our second stop of the tour. Don’t worry, the next time we’ll be back to real cheeses. I just thought I’d have some fun … you know me.
Oh, and in case you missed it, be sure to go back and visit the first stop.
March 30th, 2009
In the movie Flatliners, a group of medical students headed up by Jack Bauer, decide classes are too boring to sit through alive. To achieve a new level of Zen, they decide it would be fun to kill themselves, one at a time, just to see what death is like. (I could have told them […]
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March 27th, 2009
If you missed Part 1 in this new series, click on the “Previous in Category” link below. There I began my tour of Austin burgers at Magnolia Cafe. A few days later, I traveled north to The Oasis. There I waited to be seated. I ordered a burger. I returned with the eye candy below. […]
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March 26th, 2009
In her book Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir, Jennette Fulda makes a point to not tell us what diet she followed as she lost two hundred pounds. The reason? Simple. At the time, soylent green was still illegal. Actually, the real reason is she didn’t want people to fixate on the diet, which is brilliant. Thank […]
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March 25th, 2009
Eating ten McRib sandwiches in an hour is not as easy as it sounds. A few of you have already watched this video. For the rest of you, please enjoy. Just keep in mind three things: This is real. I was there. No actual coworkers were harmed in the making of this film. Enjoy my […]
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March 24th, 2009
One currently popular item in our household is pictured here: Veggie Straws. In particular, my oldest daughter Sarah, normally very constrained around junk food, eats these things the way a normal person eats cake and ice cream. The ferocity with which she attacked the Veggie Straws forced me to double check the packaging to make […]
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March 23rd, 2009
Throughout history, the most popular stories are the ones where the audience already knows the ending. Or, more accurately, the stories that end up ending up the way the audience (deep down) hopes they will end. This is why books and movies where the hero triumphs in the end are more common (by a margin […]
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March 20th, 2009
Yeah, yeah, … I know I call this category “Pizza Night” but I thought I’d finally kick off an idea I’ve been kicking around in my head for many moons now. About six years ago, a local Austin rag ran a cover story entitled, “Is This Austin’s Best Burger?” The cover depicted Hill’s Cafe’s “Old […]
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March 19th, 2009
In an online Time Magazine pictorial (flanked by Google ads for Rachael’s Ray’s One Rule For Losing 30 Pounds or $237 of Your Hard Earned Dollars to Scam Artists) we are taken on a journey of triggers that make us eat too much. Welcome, then, to my second part of an unknown-number-of-part series where I […]
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March 18th, 2009
The kids are on spring break this week. Less than three months ago they had nearly three weeks off for winter break. In less than three months, we’ll be looking at another long summer break. I just have one question: where do I sign? In kindergarten, we had nap time. Once a day, everyone would […]
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14 Comments »
March 17th, 2009
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, everybody! Are you wearin’ your green today? Yeah, me neither. I always forget. And even on those occasions when I do remember, I find I don’t actually have many (if any) green clothes anyway. But you know what sounds good right now? Green beer. I suggest everyone get up, grab a […]
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12 Comments »
March 16th, 2009
Officially? Yes, I am in Onederland. On Friday, for the first time, I passed the “eight days in a row” test. On that day I also hit a new low on this particular adventure: 197.5. Today, two days later, I’m up to 199, but that’s still below 200.0000. So count that ten days in a […]
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March 13th, 2009
About … hmmm …. oh lordy lord … has it been twenty-one years? Yes. Yes, I believe it has. How does that happen? How can sitting in traffic for an hour feel like an eternity, but pop! oh, guess what?! Two decades just evaporated. Thanks for playing. Sorry. I’ll start over. About twenty-one years ago, […]
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15 Comments »
March 12th, 2009
I’m starting to run the risk of turning Thursday into Rantsday. This is bad for two reasons: 1) Thursday is the one dang day a week I thought I might actually try to help people; and 2) I hate when people rant. It’s pointless. Everybody’s got an opinion, and ranting does nothing to advance us […]
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16 Comments »
March 11th, 2009
It’s hard to believe this epic journey of Twenty-Five Odd Facts and Figures You May or May Not Already Know About Me is about to come to a close. Firstly, because I’ve never milked a topic this badly before. (I hope this hasn’t been horribly boring.) Secondly, I actually have about 137 things to share. […]
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14 Comments »
March 10th, 2009
I’m not sure if there’s a cookie more “cookie” than the chocolate chip cookie. Sure, there are sugar cookies and snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies and oatmeal scotchies … but there’s just something just so … just so quintessential about the chocolate chip cookie, it’s hard to put into mere words. If you think you know […]
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18 Comments »
March 9th, 2009
Last week was a pretty big week. For the first time since October 1821, my weight, in pounds, began with the number “1”. Not only did I cross The Barrier, but I’d hit three days in a row. That put me well on my weigh to the eight-day-in-a-row official declaration. Monday? 199. Four days in […]
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March 6th, 2009
I’ve been to two Ground Round restaurants in my life. The first one was waaaaay back when, around the same time described in a Magical Place. Like Shakey’s Pizza, the Ground Round was dark, served peanuts and popcorn that you could throw right on the floor, and generally had just the right atmosphere to make […]
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March 5th, 2009
Dear Internet, We’ve known each other for almost fifteen years now. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs. I’ve learned many things from you and wasted many hours on you, but the fact of the matter is, you’ve always been there for me. Unfortunately, things have changed recently, and our long and wonderful […]
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15 Comments »
March 4th, 2009
First of all, I can’t believe it’s March. Never mind the fact that it’s already 2009. (Remember when “The Year Two Thousand” sounded so waaaaay off and futuristic? And we’ve nearly lost another decade since then? How is that possible?!) So not only all that, but we’re already up to Twenty Odd Facts and Figures […]
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March 3rd, 2009
Welcome to the final part of my Four Part Series entitled, “The Four Food Groups.” As a quick review, the first three food groups were: Italian Food, Mexican Food, and Chinese Food. Last week I asked y’all to guess what the fourth food group might be. Pizza was a good choice, but I kinda rolled […]
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March 2nd, 2009
One week ago our intrepid hero was still frustrated by his inability to get past The Barrier. Foiled once again by his arch nemesis, Charlie was seriously thinking about drowning his troubles in an eighteen inch, thin crust, pepperonly pizza. I mean, just look at three weeks of hard work: Since I’m sure you’re all […]
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28 Comments »
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on March 31, 2009 at 12:14 am
Great post!
im new here but this site seems great!
on March 31, 2009 at 4:02 am
“Mi queso es su queso.”
heeheehee… I need friends like you!!
on March 31, 2009 at 5:14 am
I find it interesting that Maslow’s list puts sex and sexual intimacy on separate levels. But Charlie trumped him with Beaver cheese as a most basic need.
Back in the cave man days, Mongo said to his wife, “Sorry honey, not tonight, I have to go milk a beaver”
on March 31, 2009 at 5:24 am
Love the “cheese as lowest order need”… i agree.
on March 31, 2009 at 5:43 am
Recipe man: seems great? It is great!
*wink*
Welcome aboard the SS Fridge.
on March 31, 2009 at 7:32 am
Many years ago, your grandpa bought some limburger cheese and put it in the fridge. It stunk….majorly. We all decided to see if it tasted like it smelled. It did. Yuk. He threw it out.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:30 am
You and Biz have the same cheese addiction…although I’ve yet to see one of her recipes include cheetos, cheez-its or cheez wiz. Hmmm, maybe a BSI challenge?!
on March 31, 2009 at 10:45 am
Oh, yum, although I’m sure one of those lower levels is occupied by “bacon.” Does it share the cheese layer, as illustrated by Bacon Cheddar Cheez Whiz?
on March 31, 2009 at 11:05 am
Cheez-Its are “Crack Crackers” at my house. I cannot prove it, but it is my firm belief that crack is a hidden ingredient. Tasty, cheesy crack.
on March 31, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I was never that hot on queso until I moved to Austin, now it’s the stuff of dreams. I would pretty much eat anything on that page, besides cheez-its. I’m just not a fan. Cheetos, though, must be carefully rationed or I will destroy a bag in mere minutes.
And I totally agree, bacon needs to be there as well. Perhaps with chocolate as well. Now I’m making myself hungry, darn it.
on March 31, 2009 at 3:29 pm
LOL Had to get cheez-whiz and cheez-its for my daughter yesterday. I can resist those all day long, but if I see a tub of Cheetos, it’s mandatory that I personally take care of the whole tub full. This is my most serious craving during that TOM!
Oh, and regarding cheez-whiz, I assumed my daughter wanted the kind that comes in a jar with the pop top. (A staple of my childhood diet.) But could find that nowhere in our Safeway. Picked up some of the canned cheese and she said “That’s what I mean when I say Cheez-Whiz.” Well, then.
And I’m with Quix, dark chocolate is on my lowest level of the pyramid. Before all else.
on March 31, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Who are these people commenting on my post who don’t like Cheez-Its? I… I… I thought we were friends!
on March 31, 2009 at 8:12 pm
haven’t had cheese in awhile. must buy.
on April 1, 2009 at 5:20 am
At least you have some fine suggestions here, Kristi. 🙂