Need More Veggies

I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about weight loss and not a lot of time talking about food, nutrition, and football. Since I don’t really like football (or any sports for that matter) don’t expect the football-related posts to spike any time soon. And since I’m not a nutritionist, I guess that topic’s out too. So that just leaves us with food.

I eat food every day (where “food” is defined as “something my body can generally break down into glucose in order to keep me functioning at a cellular level.”) So by this definition, everything from Lifesavers to Tums counts as food. But there’s more to eating than just the glucose. The body needs other things like vitamins, minerals, and yellow dye #2. Fortunately, you can get most of these things from fresh vegetables.

I’ve never been much of a vegetable eater. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and have finally decided to get my act together: I need more veggies. After doing some extensive research on the topic, I’ve decided to begin here:

• Mashed Potatoes. I’ve realized something over the past few Thanksgivings. As I look over the table with all the traditional foods and whatnot, when it gets right down to it, I could spend the entire meal—nay, the entire day just on the mashed potatoes. So why should I do that just once a year? Mashed potatoes every day, I say. I’m starting tomorrow.
• Pickles. They’re not just for breakfast anymore. And they’re not just for toppings and garnish any more either. Pickles do just fine right out of the jar. While I enjoy many varieties of the brined cukes, I believe the sweet and spicy combo is my favorite. Unless, of course, I’m munching on a pickle spear. Then it has to be a traditional dill. But with garlic, which is also a vegetable.
• Ketchup. This is a fine vegetable offering, and is just as good on a sandwich as it is directly out of a shot glass. Want to know something else that goes great with ketchup? Pickles. I love taking those dill pickle spears and running a line of ketchup down ’em as I go. I’m often amazed at how many people express horror or aversion to this, then turn around and put pickles and ketchup on their burger and think nothing of it.
• Corn Chips & Salsa. We have a real winner here folks: vegetables in the chips and in the salsa. Talk about a win-win situation. How can you go wrong? And if the two-for-one veggie bonus wasn’t enough of a win on its own, the best part about chips and salsa is that they’re FREE. Just go to any Tex-Mex restaurant, sit down at the table, and before you know it you’ve eaten about twelve pounds of them. After that, just go home. (If you can move.)
• French Fries. I’ve definitely saved the best for last. If I were forced to pick just one thing to eat for the rest of my life, I don’t think anything would beat out fries. They’re so indescribably perfect that I can’t even . . . uh . . . describe it. Unlike Chips and Salsa, it’s hard to go into a restaurant and get fries for free. But just like Chips and Salsa, they count as a double helping of vegetables: potatoes and whatever oil the potatoes are cooked in. How about that!

I think I’ve got a winning plan here, kids. Let me know if you think I missed any other important vegetable offerings that I can add to my new regimen. Like corn on the cob, I’m all ears.