Dear Subway,
My name is Charlie. You might recognize me. We first met back in college, when a group of friends and I decided to go out for a quick bite. “What is this wonderful place?” I thought to myself as I gazed across two yards of sandwich fixins. (Keep in mind, this was from a kid who’d spent the previous eighteen years eating at McDonald’s.) But on that day, that little McKid suddenly realized there was a whole new world out there; unexplored sandwich vistas awaited.
Remember me between 1992 and 1998? This was in the heyday of the sandwich stamp program. I started hoarding stamps very early on, but things really kicked into gear when I realized that Tuesday was double stamp day. Holy crap. I could now collect stamps like the miserly old man that I was. It was the same routine every week: I’d order a twelve inch Cold Cut Combo, a bag of Doritos, and a large softdrink. I would then spend my entire lunch hour playing Moria. Life was simple back then.
Then the news came. You were discontinuing the stamp program. Gasp! What?! Oh no… I must have saved up over forty little stamp books. This was worse than when S&H quit their Green Stamp program. I was suddenly reminded of that Brady Bunch episode where, in a mad rush to cash in their hard earned stamps, the Brady boys actually killed two people to get a canoe.
Even after that, though, I kept on coming. Quick dinners. Road trips. With thirteen million of your stores coating the planet, a sandwich was never more than a few hungry minutes away.
So, I have a question for you, Subway. A simple question from a loyal customer who has even forgiven you for all the “healthy hype” you’ve bombarded us with over the last decade or so. With you so relentlessly focused on my dieting success, I would think you—you of all restaurants wouldn’t do this to me.
Why do you charge MORE for a salad than a sandwich?! Does removing the bread and delivering an empty sandwich in a plastic box really cost you a dollar more?
Sincerely yours,
on October 23, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Speaking of the Brady Bunch, I almost forgot. Guess who I met last night? Your eyes do not deceive you! That’s Maureen McCormick right next to my bald head sporting the awkward smile.
on October 24, 2008 at 6:51 am
I remember the stamps and I still hear people asking about them if you can believe that! I don’t eat Subway much, but I pick one up for my husband every Friday afternoon!
on October 24, 2008 at 6:58 am
Charlie….
OMG! Can we all together say…Marcia..Marcia…Marcia!!!
I bet Jan wants to write a book as well but again…who can beat Marcia…it’s always Marcia this and Marcia that!!
Too funny!
Back to Subway…have you ever met Jared?
on October 24, 2008 at 7:54 am
I used to purchase stamps on ebay!! I think thats why they discontinued the program. Too much theft of the stamps by employees.
on October 24, 2008 at 8:49 am
Marcia works at Subway now?!? Oh how the mighty have fallen.
on October 24, 2008 at 8:59 am
Ha… but, no, she doesn’t work at Subway. (That pic was taken at a local book store on her current book tour.)
on October 24, 2008 at 11:28 am
Was that a real episode on The Brady Bunch? Those Brady boys…I always knew they were too good to be true.
I am dying to know the answer to this question, too, Subway. Do you think it’d work if you order all the sandwich toppings and say, “OH, but hold the bun! Do you have a plastic container that might work? And some Light Ranch?”
on October 24, 2008 at 11:41 am
BMT is my hands down favorite – but I have been leaning towards Jimmy John’s. Do you have them in Texas Charlie?
They have an unwich, which is any sandwich wrapped in lettuce. And this ALSO is $1 more! But I like to make a salad out of it. I just chop it up and put salad dressing on it – yum!
on October 24, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Holly: Turning in the stamps was a real episode. The boys wanted a canoe and the girls wanted a sewing machine. In the end they pooled their resources and bought a new television. You’d think they would have invested in a second bathroom. And no one was killed during filming.
Biz: I’ve not heard of Jimmy John’s but that doesn’t mean they’re not around here. I don’t get out much.
on October 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Jimmh John’s is indeed in Texas….In Houston and the Woodlands anywho. They make great sandwiches, but are more expensive that Subway. And a lot better.
on October 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Sorry for the typo. That’s Jimmy John’s-in Texas.
on October 24, 2008 at 8:04 pm
My favorite…
Can I sub veggies for fries?
Sure, but that will be an extra buck. Is that ok?
Ummm NOOO it’s not ok. Let’s punish the healthy people and keep making it easier for us to make the unhealthy choices.
on October 25, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Amen. It’s beyond me why we are being punished for pushing aside the carbs once in awhile to enjoy our healthy greens?!
Ha ha … I so recall the wonderful book of stamps!
on October 26, 2008 at 6:09 am
The stamp program! I remember that.
I had a salad from Subway exactly once and it was filled with wilted spinach and bacon (it was when restaurants had “Atkins Meals”). I haven’t had one since. Have they improved?
on October 26, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Ah, a man after my heart. I refuse to pay more for the salad.
We have Jimmy John’s in Memphis. They’re good, but Jersey Mike’s is better. Plus, THEY have the ‘sub in a tub’ (any sub without breadbut with extra veggies) for the same price as the sub you’re replacing. Smart people.
on October 27, 2008 at 7:30 am
Yay Jersey Mike’s. I’ve never been there, but I may have to now.
on October 27, 2008 at 11:52 am
Charlie,
Thanks for your post over the weekend on my site (from Mizfit). I appreciated your comments and yes, a week away from ‘Race for the Cure.’ Yay that you are participating. Thank you for that.
on November 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Well, they are probably saving up all those extra dollars to pay off whomever wins the first “Fast Food Made Me Fat” lawsuit.
Besides, everyone KNOWS it must be more expensive to provide lettuce, than pay some teenager minimum wage to stand over and babysit the bread for hours on end, plus all that electricity, and the purchase of the original ingredients… yup, probably WAY cheaper than lettuce. Not.
on March 20, 2010 at 1:55 pm
It’s not only do they not have to supply the bread. But they give you HALF the meat as a footlong.
And it’s a Buck more? Those Low-Carb Hating Bastards!