Today’s post is brought to you by the letter D, the number 7, and by the book Why Your Last Diet Failed You and How This Book Won’t Help You on Your Next One.
Upwards of ten people have now read it and most agree it’s quite enjoyable. A few readers didn’t like it all that much, but then again, they wrongly assumed it was a science fiction novella.
Come to think of it, successful dieting does feel like fiction from time to time. So we might as well kick back and laugh at ourselves.
I’m not sure if you’ve seen one yet, but the “twenty five things you might not know about me” lists seem to be all the rage. Just hit your favorite social networking site (I personally recommend GetInTouchWithPeopleYou- HaveNotTalkedToInThirtyYearsAndThereWasProbablyAReasonWhy.com) visit a few friends’ profiles and you’re sure to come across one. I think they’re fun, because true to their word, I always find out something I didn’t know about someone else.
I have not made one myself. I may do that next week because heaven knows you’re all dying to know my favorite kind of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. (Hint: not ear wax.) But if for some reason I don’t get around to making one, I’ll let you know what #19 is. Ready? Here goes. When people who don’t know me (and can’t see my face) hear my voice, nine falls out of ten they think I’m a woman.
People who know me (or have at one time or another seen my face) find this preposterous. “How can anyone think that?” is what they say to me. “I don’t know how that could possibly be!” Me neither. All I know is that it is. Telemarketer calling? “Good evening, ma’am.” Pulling up at the drive through? “That’ll be $16.47, ma’am.” Carlton the Doorman? “I’m sorry, Rhoda isn’t home right now, ma’am.”
The thing is, if any of these people were the slightest bit unsure, they would certainly shift to genderless mode. You just don’t call someone a woman on a hunch. This is akin to never, ever asking a woman if she’s pregnant unless you’re one hundred percent positive the delivery is taking place at that very moment. These people are so convinced I’m a woman, they don’t even think twice about it.
Granted, there are many stereotypical male traits I’ve never demonstrated. I don’t like sports of any kind. I don’t “hang out with the guys.” I have no interest in whiskey, cigars, or guns. But none of this should have anything to do with my speaking voice. I’m not sure what it is, since I’ll never be able to hear it myself. About all I can think of is perhaps I have that husky Suzanne Pleshette kind of voice. Maybe I should refrain from saying, “Hi Bob” when I order the supersized #3 meal.
It doesn’t really bother me. It’s really just a curiosity. Well, that’s not strictly true. What bothers me is making the other person uncomfortable. You know, if there’s ever a “reveal” involved. I think the worst case happened perhaps ten years ago. I called a florist to order some flowers for my wife. I described what I wanted while they offered suggestions to fit the occasion. “What would you like to put on the card?” I came up with a few words that seemed fitting. But just before wrapping it all up they asked me, quite honestly, “So should we just sign it Love, Mom?”
Yes. Yes, that will be perfect. Thank you.
*click*
on February 4, 2009 at 4:41 am
I sound like a 12 year old on the phone, which comes across as weird when I call service providers to advocate for my clients.
I’m sure that doesn’t make you feel better but at least you’re not alone in phone awkwardness?
on February 4, 2009 at 5:36 am
Oo! If I have a cold, I sound like a man and get called sir by people on the phone or the Starbucks drivethrough. Probably sound that way when I first wake up, too, although my husband tells me I sound more like a zombie then.
on February 4, 2009 at 5:41 am
Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Apparently when I say my name over the phone, people either hear “Shirley” or “Sally” – so while I DO sound like a woman, I’m either Linus’s sister or the woman from “What’s Happening” (of course, the refrain from “Airplane” goes through my head).
on February 4, 2009 at 6:08 am
Charlie, I have known you for about nine years and I have never, ever thought of you as a woman. I hope you aren’t hurt.
on February 4, 2009 at 7:09 am
FGF: Now I want to call you.
Shelley: Shirley you must be joking.
on February 4, 2009 at 7:14 am
Yea! I am 1 of 10 people who has read the book. Haha! And I’ve recommended it to several other people. Problem is, they always want to borrow my copy instead of buying their own. I haven’t let anyone borrow it yet. I feel stingy, but supportive of Charlie!
on February 4, 2009 at 7:32 am
Don’t feel bad lending it. At this point, eyeballs on it are more important than sales! You never know when the person who borrows it falls in love with it and buys 200 copies for Christmas presents. 😉
on February 4, 2009 at 7:53 am
When I first was interviewing for the job I have now, the manager called my house to set up a second interview. I answered the phone and the woman on the other side said, “Can I talk to your Mom?” and I was perplexed for a minute and said, “I am the Mom!”. She laughed and laughed about that. At least once a month when I answer the phone, the other person will ask me if my Mom or Dad is home. I want to scream, I’M 40!!
on February 4, 2009 at 9:15 am
I don’t have a problem with the sound of my voice – it’s the spelling of my name. People who don’t know me assume I’m a guy, and it’s created some pretty funny responses. At work, I always answered the phone with my name – the caller would often say – “is he (or Mr. Hills) there?” Then they’d always be embarassed and apologize when I’d respond “I am Jerry”. I got used to it.
on February 4, 2009 at 11:47 am
Most of the time we can match an individual voice with the person behind it. To those people that call you must come off as one of Charlie’s angles instead of Charles in Charge. Bosley, answer that phone please.
on February 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Now that you’re losing weight perhaps your jeans won’t be quite so tight!!!
Tusc 😉
on February 4, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Aww, sugar, I feel ya – I’ve been called “sir”. I am most definitely NOT a “sir”, nor have I ever been – haven’t even played on on TV!
It wasn’t on the phone, either…it was in person. I have hair down to my waist, for heaven’s sake! OK, so maybe that’s not an indicator, but still…That does it…when I win the lottery, I’m buying some tatas. Yes, yes I am.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
on February 4, 2009 at 2:45 pm
LOL @ Tusc!
on February 4, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Charlie,
It’s a lot better than being mistaken for a woman after you’ve been seen.
I know this dates me, but does anyone remember good old Pat from SNL? And his/her, uh, partner, Chris?
Thanks for the chuckle.
on February 4, 2009 at 8:22 pm
That’s awkward! As a receptionist I have to be really careful with that; I’ve learned to NEVER make assumptions. The range of pitch and tone etc is amazing over the phone.
on February 5, 2009 at 7:33 am
Come on Charlie, post a recording. Inquiring minds want to know the sound, your sound. 😉
on February 6, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Oddly enough, I was *just* talking about this with a coworker when I loaded up this post. Creeeepy! My fiance gets the ma’am thing in person all the time because he’s got long hair and not very broad shoulders. I, apparently sound very young on the phone. I have a low voice in person, but for some reason, when I’m talking with people for business purposes I get all cute and sweet and sound 12.