Pop Quiz

Time for a pop quiz! I hope you’ve all been paying attention, since this test represents twenty-five percent of your final semester grade.

1. When a friend presents you with a box of Cheez-Its, do you…

1. Politely refuse with, “No thank you! I’m watching my girlish figure!”
2. Take a handful, because, well, you know, mustn’t be rude?
3. Take a hand off as you embark upon a shark-like feeding frenzy?

2. Your coworkers bring three dozen Krispy Kreme donuts to work (and they’re still warm). Do you…

1. Politely refuse with, “No thank you! I’m watching my girlish figure!”
2. Watch and drool as others partake, greatly tempted to grab one for yourself, yet you somehow resist?
3. Shout, “Hey, look! There goes Elvis!” then grab thirty for yourself as all heads turn?

3. Your family takes you to Red Robin (home of the “Bottomless Fries” basket) to celebrate a minor event (such as the arrival of Friday). Do you…

1. Order a salad with extra spinach and a teaspoon of dressing (on the side, of course)?
2. Get your usual meal but save half of it for lunch tomorrow?
3. Cause Red Robin’s stock price to plummet as you deplete their current fiscal year’s supply of potatoes?

4. You wake up one morning absolutely starving. Do you…

1. Fix two pieces of whole wheat toast with a light coating of I Can’t Believe This Cheap Substance Isn’t An Actual Dairy Product?
2. Eat a Strawberry Pop-Tart?
3. Cause Cap’n Crunch’s stock price to soar as your breakfast actions exceed analysts’ third quarter estimates?

5. On the opposite end of the day, it’s eleven o’clock and you’re about to go to bed. But for some inexplicable reason, you’re still hungry. Do you…

1. Brush your teeth and hit the sack, full knowing that filling your belly right before sleep is the worst possible thing you can do?
2. Eat a Strawberry Pop-Tart?
3. Build yourself a four-foot-tall Dagwood Sandwich in the hopes that in doing so just this once, you might fill yourself up for a week and therefore actually turn this disaster into a positive experience?

Give yourself one point for every “a” answer, two points for every “b” answer, and three points for every “c” answer. How do you rate…?

0 — You are amazing. You shall weigh 80 pounds the rest of your life.
1 to 17 — Not bad but could be a little better. Try cutting down on the time you spend awake.
18 to 155 — Not only is your Switch in the “off” position, it’s actually been disconnected by the utility company.

At the end of week one, I find myself with a quiz score in the eleven to thirteen range. I’m definitely no longer eating twenty-seven thousand calories of Pringles each week, but I’m still not what I would consider “on”. Yet. That said, I did find myself at a Dairy Queen two nights ago and I ordered: nothing. Yes, even with the Blizzard’s Twenty-Fifth Anniversary in full force, I celebrated with a sixteen ounce cup of air. So at this point, a couple days into Week Two, I will go with “cautiously optimistic?”

How about you? How’d your quiz score turn out?