The Soda Chronicles, Part Five

This is final installment of my mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. Welcome to Part Five, or How I Found a Solution to the Most Trivial and Pointless Problem on the Planet.

A quick recap: I switched from sugar soft drinks to diet soft drinks due to excess calories. I switched from diet soft drinks to no soft drinks due to potentially harmful chemicals. I switched from diet soft drinks back to sugar drinks (in moderation) for less than a day. I then gave up soft drinks altogether because it was all getting so complicated.

In place of fizzy soft drinks I began to drink water or tea—sometimes iced, sometimes hot—and in much larger quanities, now that it was “free.” And this was fine for satisfying basic thirst and forcing myself to pee every forty-five minutes. But it didn’t do anything to satisfy that urge for something wet that would also tickle my nose.

A few weeks after giving it all up, I found myself in front of a cooler full of drinks. I peered wistfully into the ice-filled chest at the perspiring aluminum cans and I really wanted one. High fructose corn syrup or aspartame, it didn’t matter. I picked up one and looked at the label. Zero calories. Ah, it’s a diet one. But then I looked at the ingredients. Hmmm… just carbonated water and flavors. What have I discovered!

As you’ve already guessed, it was flavored sparkling water. And it was exactly what I was looking for.

I started trying different flavors. First was coconut. Good, but it didn’t sweep me away to an island paradise. Next was lime. Lime was always my diet soft drink of choice. Lime was good. Then orange, berry, grape, licorice, chocolate, beet, cookie dough, nacho cheese, and brown mustard.

I ultimately settled on lime and that’s what I’m drinking now. Oh, my primary liquid is still water and tea. I really only have something fizzy maybe once a week. But it’s enough to give me my fix.

And he lived happily ever after.

Now, if I could just find out a way to figure out my peanut butter problem.