McStories

I went to McDonald’s again. It’s no secret that I’m completely without shame when it comes to this restaurant. Yes, I actually enjoy McFood. So I thought I’d share three McStories with you today.

McStory #1

This most recent trip happened to be for breakfast. One of my favorites, actually: Sausage McMuffin, “hashbrowns”, and a Diet Coke. Now that’s good eatin’.

The “hashbrowns” are good, but I simply can’t bring myself to actually call them hashbrowns. While I don’t have a specific definition for real hashbrowns, I do know you can’t pick up real hashbrowns and eat them like a candy bar.

McDonald’s serves both Egg McMuffins and Sausage McMuffins. I thought the entire idea between having two is that one has egg and the other doesn’t. Yet invariably, when I pull up to the drive-through and ask for a Sausage McMuffin, they ask, “Do you want an egg on that?” “No I don’t want an egg on that. If I wanted a dang egg on my muffin, I’d’ve ordered the Egg McMuffin.” (Many years passed before I realized that they indeed are different items: even when they both have eggs. Still, the whole idea perturbed me.)

Anyway, my Sausage McMuffin was good. But I’d love it more if it weren’t burnt around the edges. It was a great disappointment after looking forward to it after so many miles of driving. (And, of course, you’re many miles away before you realize the McMuffin is burnt. Joe Pesci was right.)

McStory #2

Many years ago, I was sent to Europe a couple of times on business trips. One stop was in Paris. Another stop was in Vienna. And you know what I did in both cities? (“You went to McDonald’s?”) Damn straight I went to McDonald’s. After several days of fancy, high-falutin’, business meals, this poor boy just wanted a Big Mac.

“Bienvenue au McDonald’s. Puis-je prendre votre commande?” “Uh, yeah, I’d like a Big Mac. Um… a large fries. And … holy crap is that BEER on the menu? Give me a freakin’ beer with my Big Mac and fries! … Um, I mean … donnez-moi un freakin bier, s’il vous plait.”

I’d love it more if they did that here. And why not? It worked in Paris. It worked in Vienna. It probably works in every other country on the planet. Why not the good ol’ U. S. of A.?

McStory #3

Many years ago, but not as many as the Eurotrips, my then-four year old daughter and I were driving around town. She used to love to point out the window at various landmarks she recognized and announce, “We’ve been there!” One time, in a different part of town, she saw those famous golden arches and proudly exclaimed, “McDonald’s! We’ve been there!” This wasn’t technically true for this particular restaurant and I had to reply, “Actually, no, we haven’t been to that one. We’ve only been to the one over by our house.” Wide-eyed, she looked at me and asked in utter disbelief, “You mean there’s TWO?!”

I’d love it more if they could stay that young and innocent just a little bit longer than they do.