Just Kidding

I’m not a novelist, but I play one on the internet. In my quest to become one in real life, I’ve studied a thing or two about the craft. Fortunately for you, one of the “one or two things” I’ve learned along the way can be directly applied to dieting.

When it comes to starting a new manuscript there are two basic approaches one can take, colloquially referred to as “pantsing” and “plotting.” The term pantsing originates from the phrase “by the seat of one’s pants.” The term plotting originates from the Greek words “plo” meaning “this might be a good idea for a book” and “tting” meaning “but it’s probably not.”

I tried pansting a book once. I ended up writing over 120,000 words and in the end it . . . well, it just stopped. I kept hoping that something interesting might happen along the way, but nothing ever materialized. It was clear I should be a plotter. So on my most recent go at it, I did just that. This time, when I got to the end, I actually had an ending. And he lived happily ever after.

We have the same two choices when dieting: plow forward by the seat of those pants we’re hoping to soon trade in for a smaller pair. Or come up with a plan.

I began Diet #113C last week with this plan:

1. Divide all the Christmas leftovers into sixty parts and gradually consume before March.
2. Give up artificial sweeteners.
3. Eat more plant life.

One good thing about short, holiday-related, gain-a-pound-a-day, binge eating is that the weight that goes on fast always comes off fast for me. I took my three-bullet-point plan above, put it into action and lost ten pounds this week.

Ha ha. Just kidding.

I did lose about three pounds by mid-week. But then I spent the second half of the week finding them. Somehow that first bullet point morphed into, “Divide all the Christmas leftovers into four parts and eat them one right after another.”

Fortunately, it’s still January.

I got this.