Makin’ Bacon

Back in August 2007 when I had my first serious blood sugar epiphany, I embarked on a plan which attempted to eliminate as many high glycemic foods as possible. The resulting diet looked a lot like my earlier low carb forays, except that this time I cut out the soylent green.

Actually, the biggest change is that I ate a lot more bread this time around. But in the spirit of keeping insulin rushes to a minimum, I always ate rye or pumpernickel. It fell squarely under the general rule of thumb, “Don’t eat white food.” But what to do with bread? You don’t just eat bread all by itself. You eat it with butter and garlic and a ginormous plate of fettuccine. And that wasn’t exactly the plan. I thought to myself, “Self, what you need is some good low glycemic bread toppin’s, that’s what you need…”

I’m not sure how it happened, but bacon came right to the front of the line. Nearly identical to the later Toasted Salami Sammie, I fixed myself bacon and Swiss cheese on pumpernickel almost every day for nearly two months. It was really good and the highlight of my day. The soylent green was never this good.

Of course, the bacon is what made those sandwiches. And by “bacon” I mean “bacon the way Charlie likes it.” It has to be cooked to the point of disintegration. If there’s any tiny bit of fat or chewiness to it, I won’t touch it. My strips of bacon are like one giant bacon bit. You could use it as sandpaper.

Bacon Factoid: Did you know that you can take any other kind of food, anywhere on the planet, and that food will know a food, that knows a food, that knows a food, that knows bacon? It’s true.

I’ve found the best way to cook it is on the ol’ George Foreman. And I’m not talking about the grill, I’m talking about actually cooking it on George Foreman himself. He really gets hot under those infomercial lights. Okay, okay. I am talking about the grill. And why does it work on bacon so well? Because of the cover and the grease pan. Plain and simple. Bacon used to be a royal, splattering pain. But no more. As long as you don’t mind cleaning the charred residue every time you want to grill a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, this is a great way to cook.

John told me once that he heard, in his circles, that the George Foreman grill was a pointless toy and not useful for any kind of real food preparation. Well, I don’t care what Snooty Chef Today magazine says, this thing cooks bacon! And I bet it does a heck of a job on soylent green too.

(I know, I know. The Chicago Manual of Style strictly states: no more than two soylent green references per page. But after they read this post, they’ll see just how outdated that rule is.)

Now, what was I writing about again? Oh yeah, bacon! Well, I guess I’ve said all that needs to be said on the topic for now. So just push a button and have some today. You won’t be sorry.