If it isn’t cookies and ice cream, then it’s chips and dip. Everybody has at least one major weakness and for most of us it’s either sweets or salt. I’m in the latter category. Potato chips, Doritos, and the greatest snack cracker ever, Cheez-Its, have all at one time or another ruined a perfectly good diet.
But I found salvation yesterday in a bag of Blair’s Death Rain Habenero Potato Chips. I should preface this by stating I have a higher-than-average tolerance for spicy foods. That doesn’t mean I’m the type who will paint his tongue with pure capsaicin and declare with a strained smile, “That ain’t so bad.” Still, it’s a fact that I definitely like the hot stuff more than normal humans.
So I popped open the bag not sure what to expect. Most commercial products that say they’re “XXX HOT” are nothing of the sort. These ratings are geared to the masses and are too subjective anyway. If they printed the Scoville rating on the bag, that would help, but no one does.
For some reason, though, I had a hunch these would be as hot as they claimed to be and I was right. One chip was enough to immediately claim the lives of at least three hundred innocent taste buds. The heat spread through my entire head in a matter of seconds and luckily I had a drink, sandwich, and dill pickle to help fend off the attack.
That’s when it hit me. This could solve the chip problem! Think about it: if you’re craving a salty snack and are perilously close to falling off the wagon, then what better way to take care of that than with a one-a-day potato chip? In fact, you won’t be able to eat anything for hours afterwards. This is truly a miracle.
Of course, tastes are subjective. I’m sure someone out there will eat the entire bag of these and declare with a strained smile, “That ain’t so bad.” For you, I recommend pure capsaicin.
on July 22, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I too, have a thing for chips!! Maybe this could cure me!! Thanks Charlie!
http://www.slim-shoppin.com
on July 23, 2008 at 9:39 pm
I have enjoyed reading your blog. Thanks for being so transparent. I have had a number of “Day One”s in my life. Right now, the switch is on, so things are going well. Check out some quinoa. I’m not lying. It’s like a miracle food.
on July 24, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Quinoa… can it be habenero flavored? 🙂
on July 30, 2008 at 8:46 am
Charlie, do I take this to mean you are an A/V Club fan as well as a chip lover?
And I seriously hope quinoa can be haba̱ero flavored. Unless it is combined with something tasty I am pretty sure it runs the risk of being slightly less delicious than ground up pencil erasers. That said, I am clearly not a quinoa fan Рnor an expert. Maybe the miracle is quinoa often tastes so bland you give up on eating altogether?
on July 30, 2008 at 9:16 am
According to Wikipedia, “The first step in preparing quinoa is to remove the saponins.” That, along with the warning that it is slightly less delicious than ground up pencil erasers, is enough to send me back to Long John Silvers for more chicken planks.